 |
| 123RF Stock Photo |
A bit of powdered bronze, a flush, a blush
is all she needs to lure 'long path and curve.
Kissed golden are sprouting reds, yellows,
oranges. Even green glows as if glossed,
sun-dappled, unabashedly exposing
hill and valley to anyone longing
to embrace such a beauty unfolding.
Find myself wishing I'd left earlier,
put away dust pan, broom and mop,
allowed dishes to remain thricly stacked.
Accept swaying birch trees' offer to dance,
skirt myself along trails just beginning
to color outside lines as leaves flutter
and skit downward, one landing in my hair;
decide to wear it as if I’ve been crowned.
by Margaret Bednar, September 22, 2018
This is for "Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Weekend Mini Challenge - A Rainbow of Sonnets"
Great liberty here as I have created my own "Modern Sonnet". 14 lines (but I added the last single line as a "clincher", tried to use internal rhyme as much as possible as I don't have ending lines rhyming, and tried to use iambic pentameter when I could and... I tried to keep each line to a 10 syllable count (I think one is over by one, and another line short by two).
15 comments:
There was no way you could leave out that 15th line which was a delightful image that made me smile.
A beautiful tapestry and how it affects our life, loved it!
Oh gosh this is beautiful!💜 So much to love in this sonnet especially; "Kissed golden are sprouting reds, yellows, oranges."😊
Very nicely done, Margaret - a modern sonnet with twists! I love the colour portrait of a woman:
'sun-dappled, unabashedly exposing
hill and valley to anyone longing
to embrace such a beauty unfolding'
which then transforms into an autumn scene in the lines:
'to color outside lines as leaves flutter
and skit downward, one landing in my hair'.
And that's a brilliant fifteenth line!
Love the way you describe the colors... when those days come, we should make sure to experience the glow.
A scene that would have invited me outside, too, into all the golden glory. I do love fall!
I love the last line as well — it acts as a perfect closing to this colorful reverie. This golden touch is pictured in such beautiful shades, making one wish to be a part of this scenic beauty.
-HA
I feel a touch of Autumn in the air.
Love it, Margaret. We don't get that here though some leaves turn yellow and red in early December. Our oaks and the magnolia stay green all year as do the various backyard trees.
I am glad your writer left the lines or else likely no leaf would have 'skitted'(???) down into her hair.
..
"flitted"(???)
..
Hi there! Like you, I struggled with the sonnet form. I certainly do like yours!!
a most lovely poem, sonnet Margaret - a slow invitation to dance with the softness of a moment, for aren't autumn moments somehow soft even for the brightness of all those rioting colours?
a great little outing indeed ... and wonderful way to enjoy the sensations offered to us here - and yes, adding that last line? breaking the rules a bit, is most definitely warranted here - the closing just demands it.
Lovely sonnet (I always take the poet's privilege - 'this is a sonnet because I say it is') - and agree with others the 15th line is golden. So liked the second stanza - reminded me of Keats Autumn - with that internal focus - the kitchen, the household chores - and then you're dancing. So good.
Beautifully done sonnet, Magaret! The colors are glorious throughout. I thought the last line fit in perfectly.
Natures dance of autumn is such a lovely one. I don't see much of it here in Houston, but I remember it so well from growing up in Missouri and the years I lived in Oklahoma.
Post a Comment