Tuesday, August 26, 2014

"Veiled Window"

Photographer Guy Stern's Flicker Stream HERE
"Veiled Window"

I see young passion
Open window
Let my compliments tempt
Dance and come
To me; reparations
partake another day
Lady, let passion tremble
Surely my kisses
Prized.  Oh, sancutary
For me, desire to
Parlay - regard my
Lips.  This instance I bet
A dance and kiss I win.
Bless your beauty tonight
Open veiled window
And I'll come to you
Joy and more, I pledge

by Margaret Bednar, August 26, 2014

This is for dVerse Poetics:  Homophonic Translations.  Translate a foreign poem - translating just the sounds and the look of the words.  Try to stick to the original line lengths and stanza shapes.

The French poem I "interpretted" is below.  For a REAL English translation, see HERE.

Ici rien ne se passe
Tout est dehors
Le temps se plie comme un vêtement
Dans un coin
La mer rentre par transparence
Par la porte de verre
L’eau de la lumière tremble
Sur les murs lisses
Prison ou sanctuaire
Fermé à double tour
Par le regard même
La paix de l’instant se boit
Dans une coupe sans bord
Là-bas un bateau gîte
Toutes voiles dehors
Et avec l’écume bleue
Je mouille la page
Manawydan’s Glass Door (d’après David Jones, 1931)

15 comments:

Brian Miller said...

oo la, you played a bit of the seductress it seems...without pushing it over...love the whole middle section...

Oh, sancutary
For me, desire to
Parlay - regard my
Lips.

as lips are the sanctuary...
if only they open the veiled window....smiles.

Polly said...

This is lovely—so glad you posted it.

Grace said...

This reads beautifully Margaret ~ I specially like the line break:

Surely my kisses
Prized. Oh, sancutary
For me, desire to
Parlay - regard my
Lips.

The french poem sounds so romantic ~

Michael Grogan said...

Hi Margaret, I don't it matters what poem you use, I did try a Lithuanain one but couldn't make any sense of it so I took the easy way of using Marina's poem. I think you have done exceptionally well. Hope you enjoy your six kids as much as I enjoy my six.

Kathy said...

You paint a lovely picture...sounds sweet to the ear...

Glenn Buttkus said...

You make it feel, sound, seem to be a literal translation of the French; teasing, romantic--no mean feat. I chose a Spanish Neruda poem. Marina just gave us a back up if we chose to use it.

bwfiction said...

very nice - the romance between the words really gave it feeling

Björn Rudberg said...

It's beautiful.. And I guess anything in French would become a love poem. I love the longing behind the veiled window,

findingtimetowrite said...

No worries, I didn't mean to sound prescriptive. My poem was just a suggestion but I love the one you used. Your poem captures a very different mood to the French poem, but it's very romantic, very seductive.

Susan said...

A new Andrew Marvel inside of Margaret--except this proposal and offering is much more seductive by far.

Claudia said...

oh nice... i love the tender and passionate voice in this...so french...

Anthony Desmond said...

such a passionate write... really enjoyed this.

Kim Nelson said...

A challenging form to tackle, but you managed to create a piece that flows nicely and conveys a clear message. Nice work, Margaret!

Lisa Gordon said...

This is truly so beautiful, Margaret, and I love the image you chose here.

Rosemary Nissen-Wade said...

A sweet poem! Never mind how you came by it, it's a keeper.