The Nursing Home
Outside my window
leaves become sainted with gold
a life's span revered.
Eyes hopeful I watch the door,
wrinkled hand smooths silvered hair.
by Margaret Bednar, October 21, 2013
(wish I were a Maple tree.) - my original ending.
A Mother's Inevitability
Wild geese take flight
upon exuberant wing,
restless spirits freed -
yet I remain rooted,
childish laughter growing dim.
by Margaret Bednar, October 21, 2013
Over at the Imaginary Garden of Real Toads - Format Challenge, Kerry has a fantastic series with Dr. Hisashi Nakamura on the poetry form Tanka. The transcript of his lecture "Japanese Women in Tanka Poetry: From the 4th to the 13th Century" can be found HERE.
Traditional Tanka, as far as I can see, has no "title" but I decided to add one to direct the way I want the reader to view these... I didn't put a title at first, and it was interesting to see where people went with them... and perhaps I should have let that be...
I see I did NOT strictly follow the 5-7-5-7-7 rule in the second Tanka, and will leave it as it is for now. It is still 31 syllables. This form is MUCH harder than it looks!
If you want more info on Tanka, I found "The Seed of the Human Heart: Writing Tanka" quite interesting as well.
Also Submitted to "Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Open Link Monday" as I am a bit late getting this "Sunday Challenge" submitted - I had a very busy weekend and yet, was unable to enjoy being OUTSIDE in this glorious fall weather!
21 comments:
such a beauty is fall...
These made me smile, I love this time of year.
were you a maple, odd men with beards would come to take your sap, or carve initials of lost loves in your trunk. :)
~ M
Both are beautiful Margaret... the first poem resonated a bit more for me today... not sure why.
Such lovely words, images ... making me wish I was a maple tree as well.
Those photographs are amazing. I wouldn't mind being a maple tree, either!
PS--I'm glad you liked my extraordinarily long non-tanka tanka lol.
I loved the maple tree wish
These made me a bit melancholy, but perhaps that's because autumn brings it out in me! Just lovely!
dont let that child light grow too dim...you know...smiles.
Your poems are wonderful, and I love that picture of the tree.
I don't care about form; it's the poem itself, the meaning that makes the difference for me.
"Sainted with gold," rather than "painted," such a lovely choice of phrase. The image of that tree, hey, I wouldn't mind being that either.
Both tanka resonate. Thanks so much for a graceful post, Margaret. Amy
To become rooted another season long after my rendered crop of sap to maple syrup
What laughter my song birds
in my branches as I sprout
thousand winged seeds
their trumpets to fade far
most fail some share your sweet light
The empty swings sleepy calm point down in formation, shadows left on autumn twlight.
Always see those golden colors & hear the children laughter ~ Lovely tanka dear ~ Thanks for the process notes as well ~
Happy Tuesday~
These are exceptional pieces, Margaret. Your theme of growing older is so gracefully woven into your imagery - so subtle yet deeply felt.
I so enjoyed both endings to your Tree, Margaret. And I am nothing less than melancholy over our inevitable loss of childish laughter. Life never tastes the same when that wonderful jewel leaves us... Truly beautiful and soul touching thoughts...
Oh dear! These are lovely but the sense of aging too palpable for me! Well done. k.
A unique combination of nature and life's golden season
I love your first with your original ending especially, Margaret! Often times I think about what it would be like to be a tree... ♥
Beautiful! I love the highlight of youth at the end! We still can release our inner child-but it gets more n' more difficult~
What a slight change in light can do to a tree! And we are compared to trees in the scriptures ~ Are we absorbing the right amount & type of saintly light? Wonderment is so elusive to me but, a child's smile, to me, holds the power of reaching eternity ~ Faithfully Debbie
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