Friday, October 18, 2013

"Beware"

Mendenhall Ice Caves, Juneau, Alaska (photobucket)

tears tunnel unseen a frozen trail - beware spring's sudden thaw.

by Margaret Bednar, October 18, 2013



My attempt at a Japanese haiku.  It usually consists of 17 sounds - it can vary.  It should be able to be expressed in one breath (which often means English haiku can be 10-14 syllables.  Japanese haiku are commonly written in one line and should "leap" or have an "internal comparison".  Traditional versions capture a fleeting natural image.

I found this link to be helpful:  HERE

This is for the challenge over at the "Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Transforming Fridays with Hannah -  Haunted and Hungry"

16 comments:

Robert Bourne said...

it was well done.. I think the long winded part of me would have trouble with this form... :)

Grace said...

Liking that leap from frozen to thawing in one long line~ Beware indeed ~

Your header is gorgeous ~

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I love this take on the prompt - unexpected and intriguing. I like the warning to be ware the thaw!

Susie Clevenger said...

Beautifully done

sreeja harikrishnan said...

this really tunnels a thaw of beauty...

Vandana Sharma said...

It is beautiful and a great write:)

grapeling said...

I liked that you made me think of inhaling before speaking this - but its brevity let me keep my breath ~

Kerry O'Connor said...

I love this! You have captured a thought and it has crystallized in this one beautiful line.

Susan said...

A truth. In spring, hidden things emerge--but I would not withstand the deluge.

Ginnie said...

I think you nailed this one, Margaret. Haiku can be so...perfect!

Sam Edge said...

I like you one line Haiku - sometime less is more.

Mama Zen said...

Well done!

Hannah said...

Ooo...I love this version of the haiku, Margaret and in explaining what it should be like I conclude that you rocked this form and this challenge! Well done and thank you for writing!!

sharplittlepencil.com said...

Margaret, one aspect of traditional haiku most people neglect is the aspect of nature within the form. You rocked this haiku.

I'm with many others; haven't the command of brevity. Yours is one of the finest poems I've read thusfar.

Sorry I've been absent... but I'm back now. Peace, Amy

Kay L. Davies said...

I love the first part...then the second part comes as a surprise, the thaw of spring.
K

Helen said...

Sigh ... thinking I am woefully inadequate when it comes to really fine haiku .. like yours. Lovely, Ms. Margaret, lovely.