Monday, October 21, 2013

"Outside my Window" & "Wild Geese Take Flight"


The Nursing Home

Outside my window
leaves become sainted with gold
a life's span revered.
       Eyes hopeful I watch the door,
       wrinkled hand smooths silvered hair.

by Margaret Bednar, October 21, 2013


(wish I were a Maple tree.)  - my original ending. 




A Mother's Inevitability

Wild geese take flight
upon exuberant wing,
restless spirits freed -
       yet I remain rooted,
       childish laughter growing dim.

by Margaret Bednar, October 21, 2013


Over at the Imaginary Garden of Real Toads - Format Challenge, Kerry has a fantastic series with Dr. Hisashi Nakamura on the poetry form Tanka. The transcript of his lecture "Japanese Women in Tanka Poetry: From the 4th to the 13th Century" can be found HERE.

Traditional Tanka, as far as I can see, has no "title" but I decided to add one to direct the way I want the reader to view these... I didn't put a title at first, and it was interesting to see where people went with them... and perhaps I should have let that be...

I see I did NOT strictly follow the 5-7-5-7-7 rule in the second Tanka, and will leave it as it is for now.  It is still 31 syllables. This form is MUCH harder than it looks!

If you want more info on Tanka, I found "The Seed of the Human Heart: Writing Tanka" quite interesting as well.

Also Submitted to "Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Open Link Monday" as I am a bit late getting this "Sunday Challenge" submitted - I had a very busy weekend and yet, was unable to enjoy being OUTSIDE in this glorious fall weather!


22 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

such a beauty is fall...

Kathryn said...

These made me smile, I love this time of year.

grapeling said...

were you a maple, odd men with beards would come to take your sap, or carve initials of lost loves in your trunk. :)

~ M

Laura said...

Both are beautiful Margaret... the first poem resonated a bit more for me today... not sure why.

Helen said...

Such lovely words, images ... making me wish I was a maple tree as well.

Fireblossom said...

Those photographs are amazing. I wouldn't mind being a maple tree, either!

PS--I'm glad you liked my extraordinarily long non-tanka tanka lol.

cosmos cami said...

I loved the maple tree wish

Lolamouse said...

These made me a bit melancholy, but perhaps that's because autumn brings it out in me! Just lovely!

Brian Miller said...

dont let that child light grow too dim...you know...smiles.

M. J. Joachim said...

Your poems are wonderful, and I love that picture of the tree.

sharplittlepencil.com said...

I don't care about form; it's the poem itself, the meaning that makes the difference for me.

"Sainted with gold," rather than "painted," such a lovely choice of phrase. The image of that tree, hey, I wouldn't mind being that either.

Both tanka resonate. Thanks so much for a graceful post, Margaret. Amy

L. Edgar Otto said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
L. Edgar Otto said...

To become rooted another season long after my rendered crop of sap to maple syrup

What laughter my song birds
in my branches as I sprout
thousand winged seeds
their trumpets to fade far
most fail some share your sweet light

The empty swings sleepy calm point down in formation, shadows left on autumn twlight.

Grace said...

Always see those golden colors & hear the children laughter ~ Lovely tanka dear ~ Thanks for the process notes as well ~

Happy Tuesday~

Kerry O'Connor said...

These are exceptional pieces, Margaret. Your theme of growing older is so gracefully woven into your imagery - so subtle yet deeply felt.

Loredana Donovan said...

I read this before you changed the ending ... it works both ways ... it would be nice to have the qualities of a maple tree ... resilience, firmly rooted. (I wrote about trees, too :) ... and I love that picture of the empty swings ... emotive, lost childhood? I think it's never too late to undulate on a swing again. Smiles :)

johnallenrichter said...

I so enjoyed both endings to your Tree, Margaret. And I am nothing less than melancholy over our inevitable loss of childish laughter. Life never tastes the same when that wonderful jewel leaves us... Truly beautiful and soul touching thoughts...

manicddaily said...

Oh dear! These are lovely but the sense of aging too palpable for me! Well done. k.

Susie Clevenger said...

A unique combination of nature and life's golden season

Hannah said...

I love your first with your original ending especially, Margaret! Often times I think about what it would be like to be a tree... ♥

Ella said...

Beautiful! I love the highlight of youth at the end! We still can release our inner child-but it gets more n' more difficult~

girlwiththepen1118 said...

What a slight change in light can do to a tree! And we are compared to trees in the scriptures ~ Are we absorbing the right amount & type of saintly light? Wonderment is so elusive to me but, a child's smile, to me, holds the power of reaching eternity ~ Faithfully Debbie