Tuesday, April 16, 2013

IGWRT's Rondelet "The Scoundrel"

A typical view into the side garden yards in historical downtown Charleston, SC

The Scoundrel

You came to me,
kissed me beside scrolled iron gate.

You came to me,
promised love upon bended knee.

Heart aflutter, swallowed the bait,
gave myself.  I regret the date

you came to me.

by Margaret Bednar, April 16, 2013


This is for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - I say Roundel, You Say Rondelet.  I have a mind block and always approach these with dread and find I usually enjoy the result.   I tweaked it a bit beside = 'side.  Was tempted to forgo "structure" and use 9 syllables ... not sure I like 'side.  But for now, I'll play by the "rules".




22 comments:

Susie Clevenger said...

This is beautiful Margaret. I never doubt you can accomplish any poetic challenge you face.

Friko said...

you could say ‘passion-filled beside the iron gate’ to get the syllables right?

Whatever, I like it.

Marian said...

ouch! ouch!
get outta here, begone!
love this, excellent.

Emma Major said...

wonderful

hedgewitch said...

Yes, it's so easy for rhyme to get sing-songy--I'm always afraid of repeating lines, too, that they need to be extra good because they are read more than once. I like this one--you could use 'by' for 'side, if you wanted--it would be a bit more direct, though, maybe. Here the refrain works perfectly, I think.

Ginnie said...

HA! You can learn the rules now so that you can break them later. :)

Kerry O'Connor said...

You came to me.. you have cleverly shifted the meaning of that line throughout the poem.

aprille said...

Spot on, Margaret, and you tweaked the refrain's meaning a little by the placement. Oh, somebody said that already :-)

Lolamouse said...

Oh yeah. I hear that.

Jinksy said...

Oh, the dreaded regret...but it worked well here...

Margaret said...

Thank you... I did tweak the second line... not thrilled with it, but that's what happens when you have a strict form... ;P

Lisa Gordon said...

This is wonderful, Margaret, and what a beautiful photograph to go with it!

Hannah said...

Wow, Margaret you really made your refrains works for your piece...they don't sound repetitive when used this way. :)

Mama Zen said...

Love, love, love the way you worked the refrain! Fantastic job, lady.

Helen said...

I actually read your poem this morning before you tweaked it ... had no time to make thoughtful comments. I also like the transition of your refrain line .........

Akila G said...

truely a scoundrel! :)

Grandmother said...

Oh, the regrets, well put.

Other Mary said...

Your words work so well in this form, and the picture you paired with it just perfect.

Kay L. Davies said...

Oh, I know, I kept wanting to change the number of syllables, then tried to play by the rules, and ended up taking an inordinate amount of time and getting it wrong anyway.
Good work, Margaret!
K

girlwiththepen1118 said...

In spanish its a Rondela~ and your so called "Attempt" is charming and what I'd call flirtatious :) Sincerely Debbie

RMP said...

lovely. it is always a risk to give all of one's self to someone, but sometimes it's important to take those risks. I enjoyed the use of this form.

sharplittlepencil.com said...

Hey, you did a helluva a lot better than I did! I should have called my blog "I Hate Forms," a la Buddah Moskowitz's "I Hate Poetry," wink.

The message at the end, a punch in the gut. Gullible girl, huh? Amy