Pastel pinks and blues surrender
to shields of red and gold
A southward sun salutes
Relaxing weekends, holding hands
Free from mowing grass.
#2
Sumac seeds warn "Jack Frost"
Virginia creeper yells "fire"
Life surges forward
Last year's homecoming dress
Cannot be resurrected.
by Margaret Bednar, September 22, 2013
This "tanka" is for Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Sunday challenge.
My themes are of the "Autumnal Equinox". I am open to any and all critiques - Is this a tanka, if not, give me a tip and I will work on it.
The 2nd tanka is humorous to me as I want my daughter to use an old dress - but "gasp" ... I guess that is like asking for last year's blooms to come back to life. Life moves forward, as does fashion.
The first image was taken last fall, the second image was taken by a friend "J.B." and the third I took a few years back while walking the extensive gardens of Biltmore Estates .... I thought they were wild grapes, but now I think it is Virginia creeper!
12 comments:
So fun to read! I love the second one best~ YOUR playful nature made me smile :D
Gorgeous photos...I love both of them, but the second takes me back to when my girls where young..great tanka
love these, and the photos are exquisite. yes, a bonus, no mowing! but RAKING.
If there is a simplicity to the season of Autumn you have captured it here - the harvest is in, a year's work done. All that remains is to watch the show of the trees and wait for Winter.
I like the way you used the words "shields" and "salutes" in the first tanka, and the inclusion of direct speech in the second. I'm far from knowledgeable about writing tanka, but the second seems to me to contain the requisite turn after the 3rd line, with your introduction of the little twist.
The colors, the colors! That's why I am mesmerized by the autumnal equinox.
I love the colors in the first tanka and the playful turn in the second one ~ Your pictures are lovely dear ~
Such beautiful and vibrant photos!
Your commentary and second poem are making me grin!! I can just imagine the conversation! ;)
Friend ~ Your writing comes in all sizes of soul! Gracefulness is your adjective !
They are very fun tankas, Margaret--I found this task impossible--I did work on one but haven't posted.
I love the fun of both--the sigh and using hands for holding rather than grass cutting, the passing of time --one can't come home again--in the second. Take care. (This is Karin of Manicddaily. On iPad not sure what I'll be posted as.) K.
The second was my favorite, that brilliant red cited in both sumac and leaves... also, about the homecoming dress. Look at the bright side: First time, Laura wore a gown off the rack that cost $30. Next year, she "came out" and wore a rented tux!!
Congrats on not cutting the grass now, Amy
I love the tanka form, though I rarely write in its framework. You do it justice, and your readers, too.
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