Moonlit
I search
the midnight sky
for immortality,
unearthly amphitheater
moonlit,
embrace
that it's enough
to savor feeling loved
without discernment nor defense.
Serene.
by Margaret Bednar, March 14, 2013
This is written for dVerse "Form For All "The Cinquain". I am a fan of short poetry - not sure if it is due to lack of time, laziness, or creativity, but this was right up my alley. The syllabic structure is 2,4,6,8 & 2 for each stanza. And it wasn't required to rhyme, which made me happy.
20 comments:
nice....i appreciate the minor variation of breaking out the last lines to stand alone and effectively link these...ha...thta is the kind of experimentation within form i like...smiles...
unearthly amphitheater,...is a very cool line...and the savoring of feeling loved...mmm...i like...of course i am a romantic...haha...
well played margaret
Your cinquains, Margaret, give me a feeling of peacefulness. Beautiful...........
Your altered form ( line breaks and joining the two) powerfully conveys deeper meaning than the two would have done if presented in a traditional way. I like this clever device, Margaret.
I love the moonlit serenity ~ A gorgeous picture too Margaret ~
such a beautiful poem - I too liked the line breaks - gave the poem its wonderful rhythm. K
Caught in the blue mood of piercing peace! BEAUTIFUL Margaret ~ Sincerely Deborah
Very nice. I love the moon as well. The Goddess.
I love the meaning the second one here had for me. It's hard to accept that we are truly worthy of love at times.
....i search the midnight sky for immortality --- ah, how often i've done the same... wide awake in the witching hour... owling... and intimate with the moon... lovely cinquains... and your accompanying photo looked like an eye staring at me as if we're truly connected to each other... smiles...
Very pretty. Serene has a very moonish feel to me. I don't know that it is related as a word, but it goes with the moon certainly. k.
These are beautiful and, like Brian, I especially like the separation of the last word from the rest of the stanza.
oh nice..i esp. loved, loved, loved the unearthly amphitheater... so cool...so visibly painted..
I love the moon, and your poem is full of it :-)
A calming effect, yes, deeply felt and lovely. I savor the possible meanings of 'embrace' in the last cinquain. Subtle.
Two exquisite examples of cinquains. Very well done.
Hi, Margaret~ Such a beautiful piece... poem and pic. I especially like the second one. Embrace is such a good word choice.
It soothes the feel, Marge! Yes, short poems have that appeal. Nicely!
Hank
Fabulous wordplay here - and a really beautiful, peaceful mood too. I love the possible dual meaning of embrace and "it's enough/ to savor being loved" - which does have a rhyme :-) Kudos too for breaking the traditional layout of the form to suit your purposes.
Wonderful photograph! Beautifully written cinquains...immortality addressed so well in so few words;)
A treat!
both visually and in words.
BTW, call me dumb, but I didn't see a deviation from the norm in form.
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