Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Magpie Tale #51 "The Brick Wall ", Haiku "Sweet Innocence" 126/365

Photo courtesy of "Few Miles" blog for Haiku Challenge
Commitment embraced
Valiant promise to protect
Sweetest innocence

Margaret Bednar, Art Happens 365, February 2, 2011

I am also linking this poem to "Short Story Slam Week 12" (October 12, 2011)  The picture prompt is:

Below was written in February of 2011:

This is day 2 of February's "Haiku Challenge."  The sweet photo above is today's prompt.  The subject for tomorrow is "Mother".  Consider giving it a try!

The poem below was quite a challenge.  It is for "Magpie Tales #51" AND One Stop Poetry's "Form Monday - Ballads". (I missed the linky this week for One Stop, but next Monday's form is also ballads and I will submit my poem then.) The form is four lines per stanza (quatrain) and the rhyme scheme is A-B-C-B.  Eight syllables in the first and third, six syllables in the second and fourth.  The stressed syllables of the iamb should fall on the last syllable of the line.  E-gads.  This is getting hard!

The photo prompt for the Magpie is at the bottom of the poem, provided by the host, Tess Kincaid of "Willow Manor".  My photo of the urn and brick wall is part if my "365 Day Photographic Journey" - a photo a day for a whole year.

"The Brick Wall"

We walked and talked the whole night long
Under a gleaming moon.
Behind the wall hidden from view,
He kissed me, that warm night in June.

Like the brick wall we leaned against,
My heart afire and gleaming.
His brand engraved upon my soul
Our passions simmering.

Moulded as one, solid and true
Throughout our wedded bliss.
Fine clay in his artisan hands
Our bond sealed with a kiss.

by Margaret Bednar, Art Happens 365, February 2, 2011

Photo courtesy of Tess Kincaid


Stafford Ray said...

So refreshing to read of a romance that went well! What went 'wrong'? :-)
Seriously, the answer may be in the first line of your delightful haiku, 'Commitment embraced'.

Carol Blackburn said...

Very beautifully written, Margaret. I agree with Stafford's comment above.

Rosie said...

How beautiful, Margaret! Wonderful poems and photos!

Julie Jordan Scott said...

So much to be digested all at once. I just want to soak these in and be with the words, the vibe, the hope I discovered within...

My Magpie for this week.

forgetmenot said...

Lovely photo of the brick wall and urn---lovely poem too. I'm getting lost (which doesn't take much anymore) by all your blogs and all the creative work you are into. You must just stay up 24/7 and drink gallons of that 5 Hour Energy "stuff". Amazing - both your work and "you".

lisa said...

The first one is just beyond precious!!
Perfect for your wonderful Haiku.

120 Socks said...

That is one beautiful poem! Precious.

uma.a said...

Margaret,you are wonderful.Both your poem and haiku are nice to read

Join us in!A place where we care and share

Patty Ann said...

Oh, love it! You are so good at this. I really wish that I was too.

Someone is Special said...

Loved it, Fantastic Haiku and a nice poem for the MagPie.. You rock..

Someone is Special

Margaret Bednar said...

Stafford & Carol - I think next week I will try for a gritty, heartbreaker! But glad you enjoyed this one. :)

Rosie & Forgetmenot - Thank you for visiting again and again! I do love my caffeine, but I have a notepad that I scribble thoughts and words in at all times of the day. What else to do when doing laundry and dishes? (I don't watch much tv)

Julie Jordan Scott - thank you. I love the idea of your WANTING to soak my words in. How inspiring.

Lisa & 120 Socks - The photo is precious, but not one I took. I'm glad you like the haiku - they are fun to do.

Uma & Someone Special - thank you! It will be fun reading each others work this month of February.

Patty Ann - I didn't start writing poetry until a few months ago. I bet you CAN do this - you have so much to write about! Just try - write thoughts and words unchecked on a page and then go back and select. I bet you would surprise yourself.

spacedlaw said...

Sweet and hot! Well done.

justine said...

fantastic poems and shots.

Tess Kincaid said...

Lovely memories!

Jim Swindle said...

The urn photo has an interesting combination of age and life, of curves and rectangles.

I enjoyed the poem, but think you could work on the rhythm more. The poem does a really fine job of expressing the mood.

Margaret Bednar said...

Spacedlaw, Justine, & Tess, Thank you.

Jim Swindle - Thank you for your critique. The rhyming pattern is a ballad - so it is every other line. I was not happy with my choice of simmering to match gleaming - but couldn't for the life of me come up with something. Maybe I will change that line a bit... My main focus was keeping the elements of brick making in the poem - and I'm pretty happy with that. I do need to work on my rhythm and rhyming - Thank you so much for helping me ... I've only been trying to DO poetry for a couple months now and it is really quite challenging... but addicting, too. I like One Stop Poetry - they are a wonderful educational source.

Anonymous said...

Loved your wee ballad there Margaret!

JL Dodge said...

Wow you have a lot going on here !
First off allow me to say that I love the idea of the photographic journey, what a great challenge! I love taking pictures and that sounds like something I would really like to do.

Secondly, you are wonderful at poetry, you have a gift and you will find it easier as you go along. We do a propmt a day as well as one stop's challenge, it is a fun way to write.


Natasha said...

Indeed, a breath of fresh air as the poem recites positivity and a love done good! The haiku and photo were both also beautiful.

Margaret Bednar said...

Repressed - my first attempt at a ballad... it was hard, but I am pleased with this shaky start! :)

JL Dodge - your kind praise is wonderful to my brain. I tend to approach each poem with the attitude "I can't do it". I am following your poetry blog too. Can't wait to read more.

Natasha - thanks! But I would love to write a tear jerker "love gone wrong!" :) Stay tuned...

Lena said...

Aaaah! That brick wall made me smile!

bumfuzzled said...

lol great job, dear lady, and though I said I wouldn't / shouldn't critique here, I've read the many warm comments and your replies. you've got a lot to work with here if you'd care to make the purest ballad from it. you stumbled a bit on the second stanza, think about something like. . .

Like the brick wall we leaned against,
My heart afire and gleaming,
His brand engraved upon my soul,
Our passions pure--unseeming

suggestions only, and though I said I'd not do it, you've just too much potential here, I couldn't resist temptations :) and first line's still rough on the meter but times it's only thing that works

and I'd thank you for responding and for a fine effort :)

Monty / bummy

Margaret Bednar said...

Lena - Thank you. I just love brick and I live in the south now, where so many buildings are brick... I especially love the Charleston's historic district... the buildings are an artist's dream.

Bumfuzzled! Thank you for your critique and I love that you took the time. Not greater honor, really, can be said to me right now that you see potential in a poem of mine. :) You have to remember I now very little about the rules of poetry - that is why so much of mine is "free verse" which might just be a lazy way out - amateurish.

I like afire much better and had even had that originally! But it makes the line 7 consonants... not 6 - which is the rule.

Unseeming means not fit or inappropriate. Not really what I'm trying to convey here... I live the rhythm of it, but will continue to search. I might have to come up with a different ending words... I will give it some more thought.

I'm having a tough time with getting -what is it called? the stress to be in the correct place on the first line - is that what you mean? I was thrilled to just get 8-6-8-6, but I need to work on rhythm... It is hard for me to rhyme and do all the rest, ... but I do like the way the ballad is sing - songy.

I did make the change above fire ... some rules are meant to be broken, I guess! ;). Again, PLEASE chime in any time! I LOVED the feedback! Thank you so much!

Margaret Bednar said...

Ah! I know that "know" is spelled with a "k". And my typos above are due to haste, not ignorance... LOL

bumfuzzled said...

lol. whoa. boy, did I miss that time, dear margaret. my bad and my thousand apologies for it. intuition told me look up that word, it's such a nice word *heavy sigh* but. I was thinking of in meaning of unprentious. again. a thousand more apologies :)

got better suggestion though, if you'd care to take a second chance :)

my heart afire and glowing
his brand engraved upon my soul
Our passions hot and showing

Monty / bum

Margaret said...

Bumfuzzled! It is OK. I almost used the word and agree - it is a great word. I have a number of poems I need to go back and massage a bit. Being on a timeframe for challenges sometimes makes me put them out before they are totally done... but the feedback is great. What do you think of the word "afire" being 2 syllables ... "fired" was one. I am now over the six consonant rule... Not sure how important the rules are.... ?

Morning said...

sweet walk and talk, my friend,

Glad to see you at Bluebell Books.

Morning said...

sweet walk and talk, my friend,

Glad to see you at Bluebell Books.

Morning said...

sweet walk and talk, my friend,

Glad to see you at Bluebell Books.

Kay said...

Both poems are quite lovely and such a pleasure to read. Thank you!

Margaret said...

Morning and Kay - Thank you for visiting and enjoying my poetry.

The Cello Strings said...

pleasant piece.
Thanks for linking.

Ann LeFlore said...

so well done and so well expressed you have really captured this prompt so well pleasure to read