Full Circle
Guiding hand, grasped. Comfort of father for son:
first footsteps, training wheels, cross country meets recorded -
boisterous voice encouraging from infancy to young man.
Vibrant sunsets shared over Lake Michigan. Taps enjoyed by men
who served; at attention stood father and son -
hand over hearts, remembering loved ones. Recorded
VHS tapes, family gatherings, dated clothes: corduroys
and plaid, bellbottoms, short shorts... yet smiles remain the same. Man
before him, bent and frail, leaning against his son.
Son, greyed, memories recorded, movies not of Hollywood
but of life as he holds frail hand that showed him how to be a man.
by Margaret Bednar, October 2018
I am behind in visiting and commenting on everyone's poems ... I plan on spending my Sunday morning catching up. I've missed the Garden and my friends here. Tonight I'm taking two of my children to see "A Star is Born". Theatre popcorn and good acting and music... Just can't wait..
HEY - fixed my "commenting problem". I switched browser server from Safari to Chrome... seems to be working now.
For "Imaginary Garden of Real Toads - Messy Little Forms - Tritina" A pattern of (ten lines) with three tercets and a final line featuring repeating, non-rhyming line-end words, like this:
1-2-3
3-1-2
2-3-1
The final line contains all 3 words as 1-2-3
Creative license has been evoked as the last "stanza" is supposed be one line - the triton is supposed to be 10 lines. Mine is 11. I also changed "man" to "men" in the second stanza. AND a VERY liberal abuse of the rules is.... "corduroys" is close "recorded".. (cord) It is a slippery slope when one starts to break the rules...
This seems "rigid" to me as most form poetry does when I write it. But I consider this a first draft - gathering thoughts and I will visit this again very soon as this is what is going on right now and always on my mind. My son wrote very moving music and lyrics for a song about his grandfather... I will share it once he records it on YouTube.
11 comments:
I like the meditative, philosophical qualities of your poem. Even though it doesn't quite meet the rigid standards of the tritina form, I value the themes you conveyed here.
I liked this, Margaret. You recorded what you see as the father's role in bringing up a son. I read a bit wistfully of the Sunset and the Taps, really it all, yes it belongs. Unfortunately my father didn't know how, he was mean and we were cool. I did catch your corduroy bit, it's fine with me but does open eyes. Glad you are back into comments now. My old Galaxy 5 Smart phone uses Chrome, I consider that another intrusion by Google. They want to own the whole digital world, I resist where I can.
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I really like the female perspective of a father-son relationship, a wife, mother, daughter looking on. A touching tritina, Margaret.
Aside from form, you have captured something of your family history, Margaret, and paid homage to a remarkable man. I found it most touching.
It's terrific, Margaret. I always approve of a little poetic license here and there! Of course. I'm really impressed that you managed to tell a story, invoke strong memories, and pass on real meaning within the bounds of this form. And it's so tender. I adore it.
My father was quite old when he got me, but we never reached a father son relationship like this... maybe we could have, but I wonder if he would have liked being in need of my support...
This is truly touching. I like the female perspective of this. I wrote to your Whale of a Tail prompt as well
Sometimes ya gotta use the forms as an impetus but pull your poetic license too.
I liked that you used the father and son roles. A bit of history along with this form.
That father-son relationship is a blessing indeed. And you took it from start to finish.
Love the way you portray the relationship. Nice from start to finish.
Teresa
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