Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Longing

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Longing

I envy you your tears,
your breaking heart
as he slips away

for it means you have loved
and been loved -

where I feel a bit lost
as what I've sought
will never be.

Wake up at night
knowing part of me
is broken.

Thank God it's small enough
to tuck away out of sight

most of the time.

by Margaret Bednar, October 12, 2017

linked with "Imaginary Garden with Real Toad's - Music with Marian".   The video is very sad - and this may not address it exactly but I think the sense of loneliness and heartbreak is true to the song...

I've been absent a few weeks - busy with being a mom and juggling kids - which is fantastic - not complaining there - but my Father has taken a turn for the worse - his stroke has affected more than just his speech - and it seems like time has run out for many things...   I'm not looking for sympathy - I've come to terms with feelings a long time ago - just sad as things could have been so much different.  Thank God my girls have a father that has helped form them into talented, confident, and kind young women.

In a quilting class today a woman shared her struggle as caretaker of her aging father - he's slipping and she fears he will die soon.  She was very tearful and I actually found myself a bit envious as I really don't have any tears - just a sense of loss of what could have been...

I seldom write poetry about this subject as I fear hurting my mother's feelings if she were to ever find her way here - which she won't - she doesn't log on to any computer ever (she's 90) - I feel guilty - like I'm betraying ... something.

10 comments:

Vivian Zems said...

This is poignant. I feel your pain as I've been there before. You expressed yourself elegantly.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Oh Margaret.. *hugs* this is so incredibly touching and sad. I could really sense your pain both expressed and unexpressed ..

brudberg said...

The weight of your words is felt... to feel envious of other's tears.

Toni Spencer said...

This poem is so very sad, hiding those broken parts so very deep within. I am so sorry to hear what you have been going through.

Marian said...

Got it, from beginning to end, Margaret. Your poem gets at that thing we do, pushing things away to keep moving forward. We do it. The rest of your post I understand, too... I hear you. Sending love across the miles.

Kerry O'Connor said...

Wake up at night
knowing part of me
is broken.

I wonder if anyone can say this has never happened to them?

*sigh*

Susie Clevenger said...

I feel this so deeply. I have many broken places in me. I am so grateful for my husband and daughters. Hugs

Namy said...

Hugs! I feel your pain which is expressed so eloquently through your words..

Jazzbumpa said...

Your poem is a gem

I can relate to your feelings

Lost my mom to a stroke two years a go

She was 94.

namaste
JzB

Sara McNulty said...

Your words are familiar to me. I think your take on this video was brings home the whole idea of broken, and lonely.