The curve of his neck seems a metaphor,
not "clothed in thunder" (Job 39:19)
but something serene and comforting -
perhaps more akin to soft summer rain.
His nose tickles, comforts
like no words ever can; lips inquisitive -
searching for sweet treats
I gladly offer.
Ears flick backward, forward
as I test iambic pentameter -
his head nods, warm brown eyes
seemingly approve. He's easily pleased.
Trees brim with birds, mint green grass
is sprouting, and words flutter & tease me
to reach out, grasp, frame them
within lines and margins.
I lean forward ever so slightly,
send Oberon off into a gallop -
challenge this budding spring day
to escape my poetic lasso.
by Margaret Bednar, March 28, 2017
This is linked with "Imaginary Garden with Real Toads - Thought Animals"
The challenge was to write this poem in quadrille form - I thought that meant four line stanzas - not a total of 44 words! So not to be accused of not following the rules, here is a 44 version:
Curve of his neck's a metaphor
not "clothed in thunder"...
more akin to soft summer rain.
His ears flick backward
as I test iambic pentameter
mint green grass & words flutter -
tease to be tamed within lines & margins
try to defy my poetic lasso
And also with "The Tuesday Platform"
15 comments:
In the second stanza I was still thinking this might have been written about a man, and it would work...in a saucy kind of way! But seriously, I love this!
I loved both versions of the poem❤️ such incredibly imagery here sigh.. especially; "Curve of his neck's a metaphor not "clothed in thunder"... more akin to soft summer rain." Gorgeously penned!!❤️
I like both too but the brevity in the quadrille gives it the edge for me.
I could see those big warm eyes as I read. Loved the poetic Lasso!
Please don't ask me to judge. Just allow me to thank you for taking me away (twice).
to escape my poetic lasso..... the last two lines are a lovely close.
I do love the poetic lasso... and I actually like the 44 word version a lot.
Like Paul, I like both but the quadrille has edge.
Sometimes--happily-- the song gets away Leaving the moment pure. Such fortune, to escape both Job and David.
send Oberon off into a gallop -
challenge this budding spring day
to escape my poetic lasso.
Pretty obvious Oberon wants to have the privilege and te freedom of movements!
Great lines, Marge!
Hank
My choice is definitely the quadrille. It's crisp and edgy
Much love...
The Imaginary Garden challenge was 4 quatrains (dVerse's challenge was quadrille). I think you have done an excellent job with both versions. Your second version isolates those excellent metaphors very well indeed.
For reading I liked the first, a five stanza quatrain poem. The second made it easier to follow the metaphors though. I'll take the first first. "Oberon" sounded like a horse in the poem buy my reading shows him to be, "Oberon is a legendary king of the fairies." Shakespeare used him as such in his "A Midsummer Night's Dream." (I didn't know all, I had to look it up. But I couldn't stop without knowing.)
..
Loved both...I never rode...but it sounded so enchanting here...beautiful!
You reminded me of how much I miss being around horses and riding them. They are such quiet gentle beings! I would still ride today if I had the chance!
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