Thursday, September 12, 2013

Poets United - Verse First & Poetry Jam - Lost & Friday Flash55 "Listen"

Photo by M. Bednar "of Harborview, of a memory Sunset..."
(cursor down for the Friday Flash 55 version)

This is written for the challenge at Poets United "Verse First - Places You Love".  A poem based upon "Say the Names" by Canadian poet, Al Purdy.  Our marching orders were to consider the places we love, lived, visited and write about them.   Thought I'd explain it a bit before you read it.

Listen

-- say the names, say the names
and don't forget to listen
as notes tickle gently at first,
bellows press, unpress

as Old River rocks gently a rhythm
tree-lined, of hoof beats, laughter,
where endless time dips her toe, carefree -
octave slides upward

and Songbird vibrates along your spine
a tender old tune of beginnings,
of vulnerability never shed -
continues, lovingly hums

Fieldstone where kisses, 
womanly, motherly,
make you strong, prepare you -
for the whistle and sway of

Harborview, a rhythm
seized, loathe to let go
of days Sunset, forever home -
scale slides upwards, outwards

embraces Summerfield
a tempo change 
of letting go, acceptance -
where old melodies meet new  

and love listens, encourages:
             
                    --  say the names.


by Margaret Bednar, September 12, 2013

Also linked with Poetry Jam - Lost - We were given the option to write about things lost or things not to lose. I changed the word to "forget" which I think is fairly close to the same meaning...?

AND can I do it in 55 words for the G-Man's Friday Flash 55?  You tell me --

Photo by M. Bednar "Let go, accept"...
Listen (in 55)

Say the names
as notes

tickle "Old River",
rock gently a rhythm tree-lined,
hoofbeats, laughter -

vibrate "Songbird"
along your spine, tender old tune
of vulnerability and new beginnings -

hum "Fieldstone",
where womanly, motherly kisses
make you strong -

whistle "Harborview",
memories Sunset,
a forever home -

slide, embrace "Summerfield",
let go, accept.
Love listens -

     -- say the names.

by Margaret  Bednar, September 12, 2013


27 comments:

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Not only did you do it in 55, I think I even liked it better than the longer poem. Wonderful images, memories, and message in both. I especially like "love listens, encourages". Yes, it does.

Brian Miller said...

i like the rhythm of this piece margaret...the double tap to letting go, both not letting go some things like the rhythm and others we need to....cool piece...

Heaven said...

Goodness how you combined all these prompts smiles ~ I am liking the names & sounds here, memories of home, love listens ~

Happy Friday/weekend Margaret ~

Mary said...

Love the way those names roll off your tongue, Margaret. Fine write here.

Alice Audrey said...

It's different, but still good.

- Alice

Helen said...

Margaret, what you have created is so impressive... proves how editing a poem doesn't mean it has to lose any of its impact.

TALON said...

Such a beautiful rhythm. Loved it, Margaret. Just beautiful.

TALON said...

Margaret, just read your comment on my 55 and I'm still giggling! :)

RMP said...

the flow of the first was quite entrancing. also impressed with how well it reformed itself into a 55.

Kerry O'Connor said...

I'm always amazed how much one can pack into 55 words. Beautifully evocative photography and writing!

Vanessa V Kilmer said...

I love the names. They have their own inherent poetry.

razzamadazzle said...

Both versions are lovely, but I think I prefer the shorter one to emphasize the names more. Love that fall photo!

Sumana Roy said...


enjoyed both.....wonderful write up

Mama Zen said...

That is incredibly gorgeous in 55. Wow!

moondustwriter said...

Love the tempo of your beautiful poetry.
The photography is magnificent as well.
You express "love" well

Big hugs to you hope you are doing great!!!

Mr. Charleston said...

I think I prefer the original. Nice meter and flow. The 55 seems sort of disjointed. But that's just me. Darned good one none-the-less.

Margaret said...

Thank you... and Mr. Charleston, I prefer the longer one ... perhaps because it is my memories, my beloved places ... and I wanted it to be longer - but I edited it. It nearly killed me to shorten it to 55. :)

girlwiththepen1118 said...

Margaret ~ I've read many of your meticulous and melding poetry yet, this has made me cry and, carved a home in me. If you've never read Hurston, "Their Eyes Were Watching God," but you've written this saga in your brilliant verses! Bravo friend ! Debbie

grapeling said...

I favor the former, Margaret, but a nice go at fitting 55

Other Mary said...

Both of these are so moving, Margaret. I think I like the 55 even better though.

alan1704 said...

Both of this are full of emotion and lovely, well done.

SaraV said...

Beautifully done Margaret! I love them both though the first has wonderful lines like endless time dips her toe, carefree. Love that and the hoofbeats... Brought me summer smiles :-)

Poet Laundry said...

Both of these sing of "place" beautifully. Love "and don't forget to listen" and how you used sound words (rhythm, hoofbeats, laughter, tune, whistle, tempo, melodies...)to tie it together. They "sound" like places to remember. :-)

Laurie Kolp said...

Impressive!!

Peggy said...

Thanks for these. I always enjoy your photos and your poems.

G-Man said...

Margaret...
I'm so sorry for having missed this little Gem.
I'm old...That's my excuse OK?
Loved your repost 55
Of course I liked your 55 version the best as well...:P
Thanks for playing but not playing, You Rock!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

Nara Malone said...

Somehow I missed this one too. Thank you so much for posting it again. It is too beautiful to miss. I love where you say listen and to say the names, because there is a quality of sound in the way you've written this that make it easy on the ears and tongue. Perfect.