Sunday, January 29, 2012

dVerse Poetics - Undercurrents - "I See Her"

I See Her

I'm one among many,
elementary school auditorium
squeezed in tightly
beaming with anticipation
lights dim, room hushes

voices ring out
try to harmonize center-stage
the loudest note, off key
as young warblers part
for my daughter's solo.

The crowd fades as I
sit transfixed
as the soft light

her angled cheeks
and full lips
dances down her lithe form
fingertip to toe, arabesque
silhouetting her figure,
more hour-glass than boxy

as she sings, soprano
of love flirtatious
exuding confidence

and then
she blends back in
harmonizing with the other children

and I see her as if for the first time
still beaming, but now
with a tear in my eye.

by Margaret Bednar, Art Happens 365, January 29, 2012

* * * * *
This is for dVerse Poetics - "Undercurrents" is the topic today, hosted by ManicDDaily.  As I understand the challenge, it is the capturing of layers of a moment or experience.  I worked until late last night on this prompt and wasn't happy with numerous attempts, finally just deleting them!  I even searched my archives (hoping to be able to cheat a bit) but I found that I haven't really written in this very personal style.

So, I went with the most recent event, a musical revue I attended last night put on by my 8th grade daughter's elementary school (4th graders - 8th graders).  It is my understanding that the "meaning" is supposed to be hinted at, not actually stated... something I struggle with in my poetry all the time.

I hope I achieved this moment when a mother realizes her daughter is no longer a little girl (by hinting at it, not saying).

Also linked with Imaginary Garden with Real Toads "Open Link Night"


Lolamouse said...

This brought a tear to my eye as well. And what a gorgeous photo!

Claudia said...

such a special moment...they grow up and we see them daily and in moments like this we suddenly see them with new they have grown, matured..brought a smile to my face..thanks for sharing with us..

Laurie Kolp said...

This turned out great, Margaret. I knew exactly what you meant.

Sheila said...

oh, you did very well evoking that emotion of motherly pride and a bit of sadness as they grow up. I wrote of a similiar incident for this prompt as well. great job, Margaret!

Janet said...

I have a son in Gr. 8 and felt this poem in many senses. I think you did a wonderful job!

Manicddaily said...

Hi Margaret, it's just a lovely poem, and absolutely describes the undercurrents of the moment. The point of my prompt was just to get people and myself thinking about the richness of experience--you have conveyed it beautifully. K.

Christine said...

beautiful layers of writing here

Fireblossom said...

When my son was a senior, he played the old patriarch in "Look Homeward, Angel." He was so marvelous in it, and I was so proud if him. I'll never forget it. This reminded me of that.

Brian Miller said...

gosh this is lovely margaret...what a special moment passing between you even when you are seperated by the crowd...this made me feel all kinda of it...sorry i am late family day today...

Bianca said...

I must say when I read the last stanza of the poem I think I may have had my own interpretation and thought it was brilliant. When I read what you were hitting at I could totally see where you were coming from. Very well done indeed!

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh yes, you have achieved it so well. I was right there with you - as I read, and also in the past.

Marian said...

oh, so poignant. i feel like i have moments like that with my daughter now and then, and she is only five. big huge sigh!

Fred Rutherford said...

Lovely job, every word paints the scene and image of the pride and love you have for her. Really nice piece. Thanks

Mary said...

This is truly VERY beautiful and a slice of life. It is interesting sometimes to view one's children from another outside perspective, as if one wasn't related....and truly appreciate the people they are becoming! I can feel your pride.

Teresa said...

You certainly made that clear. Scary when our kids are no longer kids.

Heaven said...

I feel you...I too am seeing my child transition into a teen....And I can understand your editing and perfecting is lovely ~

Elizena said...

This was wonderful! It reminded me of all the times I would go to school and sit quite proudly in the front row to listen to my son sing with his beautiful tenor. I'd always be crying like a baby by the time he was done and so okay, I still cry when he sings to me now. We are blessed to have to children we have. Be blessed!

Margaret said...

Obviously, this is a sentiment most parents connect with... I have two older kids and so have been through this twice already... but is still an emotional moment and no less meaningful the third time... and I have three more to go! :) Thank you all for such lovely, lovely comments.