Monday, March 28, 2011

Magpie #59, "An Innocent Beauty" - a Rondel poetry form

Photo courtesy of Tess Kincaid via probably Google Images?
An Innocent Beauty

Such beauty sets my heart afire!
Exquisite charm and subtle smile,
Of hazel hue those eyes beguile;
Encourage flames of deep desire.

Attain her love I do inquire...
To win her trust, I'll change my style.
Such beauty sets my heart afire!
Exquisite charm and subtle smile.

Caress her skin, I do aspire...
This yearning lust will wait a while.
Her sweetest glance devoid of guile,
Her innocence I most admire.
Such beauty sets my heart afire!

By Margaret Bednar, Art Happens, 3-28-11

(Note: I originally had "Exquisite and subtle her smile" in the 2nd and 8th lines, but it wasn't the right iambic (is that the word?) beat, so I changed it slightly.  I don't like it better, but this type of poem is all about the rhythm. )

Well, this is my Rondel for One Stop Poetry's "One Stop Poetry Form".   The rhyme scheme is ABba/ abAB/ abbaA with 8 syllables with the emphasis on the 2, 4 6 & 8th beats.  Click on the site if you want to know more.  The guest host for todays is  "Samuel Peralta".

This is also for Magpie #59.  I needed to tie the two poetry challenges together as I have another busy week.  I'm not sure if we consider Mona Lisa a great beauty today but when I compare her to other renaissance paintings, I actually think she is attractive.

And speaking of beauties... my daughter's PhotoShopped image as "Cinderella" is in the following post.  

23 comments:

texwisgirl said...

Nice job.

Kristen Haskell said...

Really great job with this style of poetry! Wonderful Magpie.

Marilyn said...

I enjoyed your poem, very well written.

G-Man said...

You nailed it Margaret!!!!

Great Job!!!

Patty Ann said...

Very nice job. I am trying to figure out how to do this type of stuff, but I don't understand it all yet. Maybe one day!!

versebender said...

Really lied the form of this piece. Above my skill level...so all the more to admire. Vb

Reflections said...

Fantastic take on the Rondell, appears to me you nailed the style well.

Interpretation of the photo, done well also. Nice combination of challenges.

Helen said...

Very nice Ms. Margaret!!!

Beachanny said...

I fancy you were speaking for Leonardo. Yes, your Rondel is lovely and true to form and meter. And you take us into that little glass encased beauty in the Louvre. She was farther from me as I stood before the original than she is sitting next to your poem written as its creator. Thank you, Gay

Ruth said...

Well apparently many men fantasized about her back in the day. (and maybe now too)

I like this rondel form, and you did a fine job with it!

Margaret said...

Texwisgirl, Kristen, Marilyn & G-Man - Thank you. This isn't the easiest form for me.

Patty Ann - just jump in and don't expect perfection. I believe if you keep practicing, it gets better ... with a few duds thrown in along the way! (I know from experience... :)

Versebender - You just need to try - my skill level is not so high, believe me!

Reflections - I don't particularily think she is beautiful - but I do think the painter did. Or maybe, she is what many "beautiful" women look like before they get all done up. MAYBE, this is the morning after a love affair and that is the reason for her smile and informal attire... hmm, never thought of that..

Helen - Thank you!

Beachanny - See the comment to Reflections above... it WOULD work from that viewpoint!

Ruth - ;) I like my train of thought above (Reflections) and would have liked to pursue that ... but don't have time this week...

Claudia said...

beautiful capture of mona lisa's smile and beautiful rondel as well margaret.
perfect iambic tetrameter except the one line
"Exquisite and subtle her smile"
it doesn't have to be iambic but you could easily change it and make the whole rondel iambic - what you think?
form and structure are flawless - very well done

120 Socks said...

Yes Margaret, this is lovely and indeed refreshing.

Short Poems said...

Nice one, beautifully done!

Margaret said...

Claudia !!! I thought I had counted that line correctly!! It is quite tricky. Wow. I could do ... Exquisite charm and subtle smile works. I don't like it better, but this is all about form, I guess. Thanks!!!!

120 Socks & Short Poems - Truly appreicate the feedback and letting me know you liked it! :)

Ginnie said...

She's probably had more people (male and female both) look at her than any other woman in the world, excluding the Virgin Mary! :)

I really like how you're loving this poetry stuff, Margaret. Bravo to you.

Doctor FTSE said...

Margaret . . dare I suggest you change the "A"'s in lines 1 and its repeats to "Such" or maybe "Her." The "A"s (indefinite articles) leave one wondering "whose beauty"?
Your poem is well constructed, in a quite difficult form.
The word for a two syllable foot is an IAMB. Traditionally a weak accent followed by a stronger, but I defy anyone to find a single line of any poem in pentameters which doesn't sound ludicrous when hammered out as
weak-strong-weak-strong-weak-strong-weak-strong-weak-strong. Ezra Pound remarked that "there are at least 64 ways of scanning a pentametric line" - probably a gross underestimate!

Steve Isaak said...

Solid, enjoyable work.

Margaret said...

Ginnie - Yes, you are probably correct! :)

Dr. FTSE - Thanks for checking in on me. And I agree, Such is more specific and I use her quite often already... How DO you know so much!! :) Were (are) you a teacher?

Cad said...

A rondel form suits Mona Lisa very well - for she has a 'rounded form' of her own!

Jinksy said...

Re Doctor FTSE's comment - I thought Rondels only had four stressed feet per line, not five - making each line a tetrameter, not pentameter? Just saying!
Thank you for your Rondel, either way!

Lucy Westenra said...

Great poem in a difficult form.

Trellissimo said...

A well constructed rondel. Thanks