![]() |
Photo by M. Bednar "of Harborview, of a memory Sunset..." |
(cursor down for the Friday Flash 55 version)
This is written for the challenge at Poets United "Verse First - Places You Love". A poem based upon "Say the Names" by Canadian poet, Al Purdy. Our marching orders were to consider the places we love, lived, visited and write about them. Thought I'd explain it a bit before you read it.
Listen
-- say the names, say the names
and don't forget to listen
as notes tickle gently at first,
bellows press, unpress
as Old River rocks gently a rhythm
as Old River rocks gently a rhythm
tree-lined, of hoof beats, laughter,
where endless time dips her toe, carefree -
octave slides upward
and Songbird vibrates along your spine
octave slides upward
and Songbird vibrates along your spine
a tender old tune of beginnings,
of vulnerability never shed -
continues, lovingly hums
Fieldstone where kisses,
Fieldstone where kisses,
womanly, motherly,
make you strong, prepare you -
for the whistle and sway of
Harborview, a rhythm
seized, loathe to let go
of days Sunset, forever home -
scale slides upwards, outwards
embraces Summerfield
a tempo change
Harborview, a rhythm
seized, loathe to let go
of days Sunset, forever home -
scale slides upwards, outwards
embraces Summerfield
a tempo change
of letting go, acceptance -
where old melodies meet new
and love listens, encourages:
-- say the names.
by Margaret Bednar, September 12, 2013
Also linked with Poetry Jam - Lost - We were given the option to write about things lost or things not to lose. I changed the word to "forget" which I think is fairly close to the same meaning...?
AND can I do it in 55 words for the G-Man's Friday Flash 55? You tell me --
Listen (in 55)
Say the names
as notes
tickle "Old River",
rock gently a rhythm tree-lined,
hoofbeats, laughter -
vibrate "Songbird"
along your spine, tender old tune
of vulnerability and new beginnings -
hum "Fieldstone",
where womanly, motherly kisses
make you strong -
whistle "Harborview",
memories Sunset,
a forever home -
slide, embrace "Summerfield",
let go, accept.
Love listens -
-- say the names.
by Margaret Bednar, September 12, 2013
-- say the names.
by Margaret Bednar, September 12, 2013
Also linked with Poetry Jam - Lost - We were given the option to write about things lost or things not to lose. I changed the word to "forget" which I think is fairly close to the same meaning...?
AND can I do it in 55 words for the G-Man's Friday Flash 55? You tell me --
Photo by M. Bednar "Let go, accept"... |
Say the names
as notes
tickle "Old River",
rock gently a rhythm tree-lined,
hoofbeats, laughter -
vibrate "Songbird"
along your spine, tender old tune
of vulnerability and new beginnings -
hum "Fieldstone",
where womanly, motherly kisses
make you strong -
whistle "Harborview",
memories Sunset,
a forever home -
slide, embrace "Summerfield",
let go, accept.
Love listens -
-- say the names.
by Margaret Bednar, September 12, 2013
Not only did you do it in 55, I think I even liked it better than the longer poem. Wonderful images, memories, and message in both. I especially like "love listens, encourages". Yes, it does.
ReplyDeletei like the rhythm of this piece margaret...the double tap to letting go, both not letting go some things like the rhythm and others we need to....cool piece...
ReplyDeleteGoodness how you combined all these prompts smiles ~ I am liking the names & sounds here, memories of home, love listens ~
ReplyDeleteHappy Friday/weekend Margaret ~
Love the way those names roll off your tongue, Margaret. Fine write here.
ReplyDeleteIt's different, but still good.
ReplyDelete- Alice
Margaret, what you have created is so impressive... proves how editing a poem doesn't mean it has to lose any of its impact.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful rhythm. Loved it, Margaret. Just beautiful.
ReplyDeleteMargaret, just read your comment on my 55 and I'm still giggling! :)
ReplyDeletethe flow of the first was quite entrancing. also impressed with how well it reformed itself into a 55.
ReplyDeleteI'm always amazed how much one can pack into 55 words. Beautifully evocative photography and writing!
ReplyDeleteI love the names. They have their own inherent poetry.
ReplyDeleteBoth versions are lovely, but I think I prefer the shorter one to emphasize the names more. Love that fall photo!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteenjoyed both.....wonderful write up
That is incredibly gorgeous in 55. Wow!
ReplyDeleteLove the tempo of your beautiful poetry.
ReplyDeleteThe photography is magnificent as well.
You express "love" well
Big hugs to you hope you are doing great!!!
I think I prefer the original. Nice meter and flow. The 55 seems sort of disjointed. But that's just me. Darned good one none-the-less.
ReplyDeleteThank you... and Mr. Charleston, I prefer the longer one ... perhaps because it is my memories, my beloved places ... and I wanted it to be longer - but I edited it. It nearly killed me to shorten it to 55. :)
ReplyDeleteMargaret ~ I've read many of your meticulous and melding poetry yet, this has made me cry and, carved a home in me. If you've never read Hurston, "Their Eyes Were Watching God," but you've written this saga in your brilliant verses! Bravo friend ! Debbie
ReplyDeleteI favor the former, Margaret, but a nice go at fitting 55
ReplyDeleteBoth of these are so moving, Margaret. I think I like the 55 even better though.
ReplyDeleteBoth of this are full of emotion and lovely, well done.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully done Margaret! I love them both though the first has wonderful lines like endless time dips her toe, carefree. Love that and the hoofbeats... Brought me summer smiles :-)
ReplyDeleteBoth of these sing of "place" beautifully. Love "and don't forget to listen" and how you used sound words (rhythm, hoofbeats, laughter, tune, whistle, tempo, melodies...)to tie it together. They "sound" like places to remember. :-)
ReplyDeleteImpressive!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for these. I always enjoy your photos and your poems.
ReplyDeleteMargaret...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for having missed this little Gem.
I'm old...That's my excuse OK?
Loved your repost 55
Of course I liked your 55 version the best as well...:P
Thanks for playing but not playing, You Rock!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End
Somehow I missed this one too. Thank you so much for posting it again. It is too beautiful to miss. I love where you say listen and to say the names, because there is a quality of sound in the way you've written this that make it easy on the ears and tongue. Perfect.
ReplyDelete